It’s been a laid back week, finally! January is a bit of a touchy month for me and I know that, so this year I have put some healthy, proactive practices into place to help me move through my least favorite time. The plan is Code Simplify; in my eating, in my activities, and in my lifestyle. I feel like the less clutter and complexity, the more peace of mind. My focus has been on a return to fitness and health this winter, so eating out has been at a minimum. I made an exception when a friend and I decided it was time to catch up and finally exchange this year’s Christmas presents. We decided to meet after work at a restaurant. I tried to pick the one where we could eat healthy, and I could use one of the gift cards I had been given for Christmas. I’m greatly simplifying expenditures too. I did my research ahead of time and picked a meal that was within my caloric range for the day, and came prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was a few priceless treasures she brought along with her, as well as some new warm socks, English tea, and a heavenly scented candle.
My friend and I share a history which has included work, surviving breast cancer, remarriage (mine), several surgeries (mine and hers), kid issues, kid’s weddings, grown kid issues, birth of grandchildren, death of a grandchild, death of our respective spouses, and loss of some dreams (mine and hers).... Just to name a few. We also share a connection with my mother. Now, my friend never met my mother, and my mother’s been gone for 24 years, a little longer than our friendship. Through a series of serendipitous revelations, it turns out, HER friend was my mom’s best friend in high school! This may not seem like a big deal to you until you learn my mother moved away shortly after high school and never really returned to her place of birth. I loved my mother dearly, although, her life was challenged, resulting in a less than traditional childhood for me. Those memories have been scattered to the winds, leaving mostly just images of our relationship the last few years of her life. As foggy as my memories are, surely her high school friend's memories must be even more distant. Or were they?
During our dinner conversation, my friend mentioned that she wanted to get this friend of my mom’s and I together someday. An apparent trigger was an article I had written and was published as a guest columnist in a newspaper. My mother’s friend had seen it and wondered if the writer was me. My friend told her it indeed was. Her response back, “I figured it might be. Her mom was very smart too.” My mom was smart? As the conversation progressed, I learned that my mom was popular. She was fun. She was a friend to everyone. She was admired, even with the devastating circumstance of bearing a child as a teenager near the end of her high school years; a socially unacceptable state and moral issue in the early 50’s. I learned my mom had dignity. Most of all, I learned my mom was loved and missed dearly, still. The memories of her in her friend's mind sketched a better picture than I could. A few years back this dear lady had the opportunity to meet my daughter. She relayed to my friend, “I searched Patty’s (my mom) grand-daughter’s face for anything of Patty." Her need to identify and connect on some level, with my mother, through my daughter was such a tribute to my mom. I learned she and mom spent time playing with me as a child. I learned I may not have been anticipated, but I was loved. As we sat and chatted about these messages, relayed through my friend as the medium, I smiled and I cried. The tears weren't my typical sad sack, January tears. The tears were triggered by those soft gentle hands of my mother, once again reminding me to just keep moving forward, and touching my heart through the hand of her dear friend.
What a tremendous opportunity to see my mom through the eyes of another who loved her. She isn’t just my mom anymore. She was a young woman full of life, hopes, dreams and anticipated happily ever afters. She gave love and left her mark on people I was never aware of.
My WooHoo for this week.... For friends who know our history and make sure we hold onto the precious bits of our past. The gift bag of goodies will warm my toes and my body in the days ahead. The gift of a walk through the other side of the garden which was a part of my mother's life too, put a little spark inside my morose little January heart. Those we love who pass on, may not be in our sight, but they are always making their presence known.
WOOHOO Mom.... We shared a lot of our own WOOHOO's too. Thanks for reminding me, out of sight doesn't mean out of mind. Where there is love, it remains. And thank you for passing on so many of your qualities..... mostly your courage.
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