I’m an Apple girl, and I’m not referring to my waistline. Although, that’s improving too with 232 miles of Spinning in the past few weeks, Zumba classes and lots of fruits and veggies. I have a Mac, and I am now the proud owner of a brand new I-Phone. Once you go Mac, you never go back.... With this new purchase, I have to eat all those awful judgements I’ve made in the past about people who become mesmerized by their smart phones!
To call my new gadget a cell phone is like calling Mother Theresa a “good woman”. It has more capability than all my electronic devices put together, and fits into one hand. It took me nine long months to decide to bite the bullet and make the purchase. My friends and family got to point where they just rolled their eyes when I continuously talked about getting one. Finally, I heard the voice Friday night... Maybe, it was God, but it sounded more like my father. It said, “Becky, either s- - - or get off the pot.” He had a pocket full of these potty mouth profundities. I don’t know if he thought using the “S” word would have the effect of an exclamation point in getting a message across. It always took me by surprise to hear it, that’s for sure. My dad was a highly educated, accomplished man with a rather extensive vocabulary. Maybe he thought adding color would help me to remember the wisdom. And, I do remember a few more of them too. He said, “Don’t s- - - where you eat.” The translation was, be professional in the work place and don’t sleep around. He also used to say, “Throw enough s- - - up against a wall, some of it’s bound to stick.” I took this to mean never give up on your dreams, even if you aren’t very good at it. Someone might buy into them someday. A working man's version of Winston Churchill’s quote, "Never, ever quit". Those are just a few of my Dadism’s, but that’s a post for another day. Yep, I’m pretty sure the voice I heard in my head Friday night, the one that screamed at me, “Just do it”, was my Dad, not God.
So, Friday night, after work, I picked up my new lover. New phone in hand, I proudly showed off my device to anyone that crossed my path. I flashed it like a 10 carat diamond; at the Barista at Starbucks, the clerk at the Mall, and especially showed off when I hooked up with friends later in the evening. Yes, I was now the proud owner of a shiny, white I-Phone with a foxy little red, form-fitting, cover. It didn’t matter that I didn’t even know how to silence it when we were all instructed to do so, let alone use any of its features. It looked fabulous!
Imagine my delight when I discovered my new I-phone could be a fashionista too. Just like me. "So many possibilities", I thought, as I eyeballed all the phone cases at the stand in the middle of the mall. I was especially drawn to the cute little black patent leather with white polka dots. It was the "must have" accessory to my own little black dress and pearls. The hot pink rhinestone studded number was an attention getter for sure and would be fun on date nights. I let my mind wander, envisioning my phone closet and friends calling just to ask, in husky, whispered tones, “What are you wearing?”
On my way home, I made a few phone calls, bragging about my new toy. No one was home to share in my joy. So, I left messages for them to call me. The only problem was, I didn’t know how to answer the phone when they called back! I did figure out how to send a text message... and retrieve it, although it took me quite some time to adapt to a touch pad rather than a keyboard. Repeating the letter SSSSSSSSSSSSS with my chubby little finger made me think my dad had taken control and was sending a new life lesson from beyond.
When I got home I put my I-tunes library on my phone and then couldn’t figure out how to stop Gavin DeGraw from crooning “Not Over You”. When I was finally able to answer my call, my chin put the conversation on speaker phone and I had I-tunes and the hysterical laughter of my friend reverberating through the house. Setting up my email was another issue as all 100+ messages (old and new) from my email provider poured into my new device. Then came my first app. I played it safe and downloaded Facebook, for free. This was totally useless on my phone, I couldn’t read any of the comments since the font was about a 2pt.
What a learning curve. At 2:00 a.m., blurry-eyed from my u-tube tutorials and a battery on my new cell phone crying out to be charged, I lay my head to rest. A voice whispered to me just as I was dozing off, and it said, “Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.” It was either Kenny Rogers, or God. I folded. I think it was God.
Saturday, I took my brand new decked out I-Phone to pay a visit....to my 11 year old granddaughter. She showed me everything I needed to know.
WOOHOO I just found a Calorie counter fitness app, and, what's this? A meditation app! If you call me and hear chimes and OHMMMMMMM.... just leave me a message. I'll get back to you once Alex shows me how to get into my voice mail!
2 comments:
LMAO!
Linda
What are you wearing?
Rob
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