Week Fifteen - It’s not about me.... WooHoo!

Bad things happen to good people.  I know.  I’m good people and some bad things have happened. I also know,  in this lifetime I’ve reigned down my own share of bad behavior. The last several decades, I have been mostly on my “better” behavior.  And, yet, challenges abound which tend to make me occasionally question if morality, integrity and kindness are really the key to a rich life. Sometimes it seems the most dishonorable, shallow people appear to have such great lives!   Maybe it IS all just Karma and I was a real pistol in my previous life.   Some of those lines from the Indigo Girls song of the 90’s, Galileo, resonate with me.    

And then you had to bring up reincarnation

Over a couple of beers the other night

And now I'm serving time for mistakes

Made by another in another lifetime

I offer thanks to those before me

That's all I've got to say

'Cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime

Now I have to pay

But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration

To let the next life off the hook

But she'll say, "Look what I had to overcome from my last life

I think, I'll write a book"

How long am I gonna have to pay?

I have been on a spiritual path for the past 25 years.  Most of that time I've recognized because of my connection to something larger than me,  there is more to life than what I have, what I do, and what other people think of me.  I see now, that was just superficially skimming the surface.  The last 3-4 years, I stopped dabbling and put on my night goggles venturing into a much denser forest of spiritual exploration.  I’ve found, sometimes, when we do that, push through into more rugged terrain, the challenges become more intense, kind of like athletic training.  WooHoo, you conquered those hurdles, now its time to move on to perfecting your high jump. My high jump appears to be “forgiveness opportunities”.   I’m discovering a big part of a successful, contented life is clearing any, and all, resentment out of the way, on an ongoing basis.  There can’t be any residual jealousy, anger, or judgement or it clearly clogs up this spiritual vessel.  

Almost every day seems to bring a forgiveness opportunity for me.  Inevitably, something will arise that pushes a button or reminds me of the past.   Or, people just act like the shit heads we all can be sometimes, and hurt my feelings.  It triggers old tapes, or a memory, I take it personal, and there I go, off and sprinting, missing the high jump bar by yards.  Why me?  Why did they do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Me.. me... me.... Practicing for my solo, which leaves me feeling even more solo.  The resentment eats me up inside, while I pretend and smile on the outside. I try changing the thought, but that doesn't always propel me over the bar. 

A few months ago, I was listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS promoting his new book, Wishes Fulfilled.  So much of what he had to say resonated with me.  I liked the optimism of his premise;  we are all capable of creating our own dreams come true. Initially it sounded like a lot of the Law of Attraction buzz of a few years ago.  It’s not that I don’t believe in some version of the Law of Attraction, but attracting more money, fame,  a mega-yacht in Monaco, or other self-serving gifts into our lives isn’t really what I think it’s about.   On the other hand, I could buy into Dr. Dyer’s belief that we attract things we desire, when they are aligned with our  higher purpose.  That made more sense to me.  Like drawing the gifts of the spirit, peace, love, your dream job and ensuing prosperity, rather than winning the lottery. What I also liked, he detailed the process to do that, with clear instructions to open the door of possibility and achieving your hearts desire. 

 A few weeks later, I bought the book. When I read it, some of the steps he outlined, I’ve been doing for years;  since I was a child even.  I was the consummate daydreamer. It was probably an escape for me, just like reading, but I did envision my great life. I learned how to “act as if” what I wanted had come to pass - self-confidence, new jobs, even healing.  And, optimism has always been a part of my make-up.  So, what's the deal?  It must be this Karma thing, I thought. 

Then he mentioned the Berlin walls we construct that block us from our Source and our Highest Self and ultimately, our wishes and dreams.  I froze in recognition, and it stopped my heart for a milli-second.  He said, “When we see and cast judgement on another one of God’s children, it overshadows all of our spiritual visualizations and intentions. We must eliminate habits of criticizing, condemning and judging, anyone.   You must remember, every single one of God’s children are just doing what they know how to do.   Here comes the part, that has changed everything for me.  “IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. THAT'S THEIR STUFF.  IT’S ABOUT THEM AND WHAT THEY NEED TO LEARN AND EXPERIENCE ON THEIR JOURNEY.”

Huh? It’s not about me!  It’s not about what I did or didn’t do, who I am, how I failed, that I was too much... or not enough.  Their punishment, rejection,  abandonment, or the silent treatment isn’t really about me? What?  It’s not even about my Karma.  It’s THEIR KARMA ultimately. THEIR LESSONS.  THEIR JOURNEY.  How freeing is that?  It leaves no room for resentment or dwelling in slight and hurts.  It’s not about me, if someone doesn’t want to be my friend, lover, employer, confidante, or is having a bad day, week, or life.  It’s about THEIR path and what they need to work out.  


Amazingly, everytime one of these little opportunities to cop an attitude pops up, I find myself repeating...."IT'S NOT PERSONAL.  IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.  Once, I recognize that it  frees my spirit up to send them love instead of judgement and criticism.  Now, it may call for loving kindness extended from a distance, to protect my own boundaries, values, and dreams.  And sometimes, that's what I have to do. It only matters that my response is kind and I don't take ownership of their stuff.   It IS about them and where they are at.....


And that, is the process that follows every real or imagined injury to my ego. 

I haven't done this perfectly and can slip into my old “you hurt me”, “you were unkind” “you ignored” or whatever perceived slight I imagine, mode. But, that’s why they call  this work, spiritual PRACTICE.  I am discovering, when I do practice it, there are no blocks to the miracles that enter my life. 

 Free tickets, handed to us while waiting in line to buy tickets at the box office the other night, out of the blue!  Was it Karma, or was there just room for miracles and Wishes Fulfilled?  

My Karma  seems to be shifting.  Think I’ll write a book!  WOOHOO!