This has been a simple summer. Limited funds and a few other impediments to options and mobility have kept me close to home. The amazing thing is, I’ve stopped fighting it... All of it. It’s futile to strike out at things that can’t be changed (for now). So, I’ve made the decision to settle in and make the most of what is. That includes finding gratitude and peace, no matter the circumstances. This shift occurred one morning when I woke up with a huge smile on my face, bright-eyed, in a state of awe. What was up with that? Did I have a 50 Shades of Grey dream starring me and William Levy? Lying there in bed, not wanting to move or break the mood, this thought floated right into my consciousness - my life is perfect right now; this moment. Here I was lying in this perfect bed, a perfect breeze stroking my face, this perfect roof over my head, in my perfectly healthy body, seeing things with my perfect set of eyes, and being grateful for this perfectly good day. In a blinding flash, I recognized, I had it all. That morning, that moment, that day, that perfection. Most important, it was all I needed. Just that perfect day as it was. I hadn’t found a full time job with benefits, gotten a substantial advance on my upcoming book, moved to a nicer city, relocated to a better year-round climate, discovered more money in my bank account, and the love of my life hadn’t yet entered the picture. So, what? I had everything I needed right there. It was now my choice to keep it right there, a day at a time, get out in that day, become a part of it, pay witness to it, and be mindful of the perfection that already is....without conditions. Pay attention, look, listen, touch, breathe, and be grateful. What a discovery.
Being in that day has freed me from the brain chatter of projections for the future, or regrets over the past. In that perfect day, there is no past or future, just now. There's no room in my perfect day for restrictions or conditional happiness. I’ve found much more peace in releasing expectations of what it takes to bring me joy, and I am mindful to the mystical gifts from the Universe. Those serendipities just waiting to surprise me with a new awareness, ignite my creativity, or simply make my heart grin, ear to ear. I had a few of these this past week.... I call them glimpses of God.
I saw the face of God in a homeless lady, holding a sign at a freeway exit, attesting to her homelessness, asking for help. Please help me, it read. I was stunned. I don’t know what it was about her face... eyes staring straight into my soul, pleading and humiliated. No one should be without a safe place to lay their head at night or food in their tummies. No one. It doesn’t matter if they are an addict, suffer from mental health issues, or just can't work, whatever the reason. No one deserves the sentence of not having their most basic human needs met. Later, I couldn’t get her face and cardboard sign out of my head, and it brought me to tears. We didn’t think fast enough to pull over. Despite the traffic, we should have. I needed to hand her every dollar I had in my wallet. I have thought of her every day since, and sent up prayers and energy for God to give her everything she needs and keep her safe. I think we are all responsible for caring for God's children in whatever way we are able. Maybe it was a test for me. God in disguise and what would I do? God said, “You have so much more. Don’t judge, just give.” I learned a lesson in following through with my instinct in the future.
The other night, was a perfect night for comfortable slumber. It was one of those cooler nights. I was able to have the window open, and still cuddle under the furry throw, surrounded by fresh air and softness. I awoke about 3 a.m. because I sensed this light beaming on the top of my head. I jumped up on my knees and peered out the window to see the brightest, most beautiful star (or planet) shining down, through the window, directly on me. I swear I thought it was beckoning me to follow the stream of light and enter its universe. I was mesmerized by it. I’ve been struggling some with creativity lately, praying for direction. As I was staring at this heavenly vision, my mind became infused with story ideas. I don’t know if I dreamed about one, and then saw my heavenly guiding light and it was all just a part of this story idea running through my head? No matter. Another glimpse of God?
The most delightful encounter in my week was in the form of a tiny little two year old. On sunny days, I prefer to exercise outdoors rather than taking it to the gym. I think I get a double dose of endorphins being out in nature and working up a sweat. As I was coming around the corner of our local track, I saw a string of little ones, tethered together, holding on to a rope being led back into the day-care center. As I got closer, this miniature little man with the biggest, messiest, blond head of curls, and rosy little cheeks, burst into this wide grin of recognition and he began to wave his hands and stomp his little feet. He looked right at me, so excited; his eyes danced along with his body, and he squealed, over and over again, “Hi! Hi! Hi!” It was like he was reuniting with his long lost soulmate, finally found after several lifetimes of separation. This perfect little angel, planted right in the middle of my perfect day. God in disguise. He headed into the building with his little buddies, and kept looking over his shoulder and grinning at me as if to say, “Now, go and have a wonderful day.” I did. That simple connection with my little tow-headed midget, was better than a summer trip to Paris!
I accept that I likely won’t stay in this zen spot forever. The good news is, I do seem to rest there more often, and stay longer. I like it there.
Glimpses of God come in many forms. I recognize them more often now. Mostly I think, because I have drilled it down to one perfect day. WooHoo.
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