It’s always a good thing for me to look back and reflect on the changes that can happen in just one year. I'm always amazed. I’ve done that again this year, and as wide open as I am these days about so much of my life, this year, some of those changes feel real personal and private, and I intend to hold them close to my heart, at least for awhile. Initially, upon investigation, it didn't appear there were many, but further reflection reinforced the truth The one thing I did recognize is that most of these movements forward (and it’s all been in that direction) this past year or so, were incremental, cumulative, rather than big gang-buster, fireworks stuff; the kind of events I measured a banner year by. Like traveling to foreign lands, climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, hopping on Prince Charming’s white horse, or achieving a little fame. I used to measure my progress and the quality of excitement in my life by all of that BIG stuff. Or BIG dramas and changes, like the year I was downsized from a 17 year career, saw my daughter graduate from College AND get married within months, and lost my husband. My nest was not only empty that year, my tree was stripped bare and the nest got drop-kicked to the ground by squirrels. Maybe when you have lived a life of major flux, which appears to be the majority of my story, it’s hard to recognize you’re still evolving unless you're in state of constant euphoria or chaos.
I guess, that in itself is a change for me! My measuring stick is a pocket ruler now rather than a yardstick. I began to learn about accepting the baby steps as progress too in my attempts to drop the 20 pounds I have been trying to shake for the past 6-7 years. I finally joined Weight Watchers, and unlike times in the past when I wanted to drop a few pounds and it rapidly melted off, the scales now, while reflecting a decline almost every single week, has drifted down in the teensiest of movement - 1/2 pound here, 1/4 of a pound there. Nonetheless, it's predominately been on the decline, ounce by ounce. I am getting smaller. Incrementally, over a course of time, it adds up to some big accomplishment.
So, this year, rather than paste up a dream board that looks like a season from the Great Race, or design a bucket list from the perspective of a starry eyed 20 year old with limited life experience, I’ve kept it simpler. These are some of things I would like to strive for in this next birth year. They're just on the list... I'm not doomed to hell if I find myself with an unchecked goal this year. Ready.....slowly, and gently...
- Reteach myself French so I can whisper beautiful sentiments to those I love, including myself.
- Downsize. My belongings, my lifestyle, my expectations, especially of others.
- Stir up those creative juices... tune up the sewing machine. Have my friends teach me to knit, again... Make a fun pillow for each one of my little girls to snuggle, giggle, and cry in! Paint a piece of furniture a fun color.
- Design my own recovery/support cards. Who better to understand what others need to hear?
- Go on a spiritual retreat. Omega Institute? Perhaps.
- Treat myself to a pedicure or facial more often. Forgo the cheese and crackers, and use the money saved for a massage.
- Write. Write. Write. Every day. For myself or for publication. Just do it... let it flow... with abandon. Every day.
- Practice Yoga... often. Ten minutues or an hour. Again, just do it.
- Nap more. Indulge in delicious afternoon respites cuddling with a loved one... Or a body pillow.
- Cook. Have little mini parties to celebrate (anything and everything). Spoil friends with yummy food.
- Hand out a whole lot more hugs, kisses and love you’s.
- Be responsible for the energy I bring into others' space. Make it positive.
There’s more. But, it’s a secret. I’ll tell you on my next birthday!
La vie est bon!
WooHoo!
"There is nothing like returning to place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you, yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela
