Week Nine - If a door opens, walk through it! WooHoo to saying Yes to almost everything!

This past week flew by. I was busy every day.  It was nicely reminiscent of my old life a few years ago, before the bottom dropped out of my career, heart, bank account, social life, spirit, and self-esteem.   I’ve heard those stories before about losing it all in order to find it all. I can relate.  In retrospect, everything that came grinding to a halt, was a part of the plan. This new “laissez faire” state I’ve found myself in, is part of an even bigger plan.  Mostly Zen RSM, my new nickname, seems a good description of the me I see in the mirror these days.  Que Sera Sera.... My mom used to sing that to me as a child.  I feel it now.  It must be apparent to others too.  I had dinner and a movie with a couple of girlfriends that I haven’t seen since Christmas.  Later, got an email from one, and she said, “You look great, happy and content.”  I loved hearing it, but find that so amusing. None of that stuff I thought would  turn things around for me, has changed;   those things I was convinced needed to happen, and THEN, I would be genuinely happy... Nothing essentially is different...no new job, no big dreams realized, no new home, no new city, no new dude.  So, what’s changed?  Me!   I have this unwavering faith, that all is evolving as it should and I need to just keep my stickie little mitts off of the Universe; and harder yet, keep my head wiped clean of projections and outcomes.  Even (especially) on those days when fear has tried to break in again.  Somehow, I have managed to still hear God’s voice over the din of those nasty doubts and insecurities, negative naysayers, and hell bent hearts that want to leave me bitter, because they are. Instead I hear, “Just get on with it, one day at a time.  Work hard, play hard, let go of the rest.”  I’m not going to “fix” anything by sitting around worrying or pondering it.  My mental health is so much better when I just say YES as much as I possibly can to anything that shows up in my mailbox, in an email, on my phone, at my front door.  I get it....those things that are supposed to be ours will arrive when they're supposed to.  In the meantime, stop waiting in the meantime. 

That’s what I did....said yes... every night and day this past week. I spent an awesome marathon shopping session with my daughter, the Queen Bee of shopping, in the big city.  I shopped til I dropped, right along with her, courtesy of a gift card from Christmas.  Then we spontaneously contacted her friend to meet us for a late night dinner. What a surprise and a gift to enjoy time with both of these phenomenal young women!  I was unsure about going  because of my pocketbook. My dinner was paid for.  Last Sunday afternoon I enjoyed a play.  Now, I wasn’t initially going to go, because everyone I asked to go with me, was busy.  I went by myself and left with the business card of a like-minded theatre buff who asked me to call if I needed a theatre companion in the future!  A new friend!   Monday night brought a different, local Zumba class.  I wasn’t sure about attending, because I am already enrolled in one I like, out of town.   I went anyway, it was different. I made a complete idiot of myself.  My sexy arms looked like the 60’s version of “the pony or the swim” rather than the moves of a steamy salsa dancer.  I worked up a sweat, burned some calories and had fun. Tuesday’s dinner and movie left me laughing out loud for days.  The movie Wanderlust transported me back to my own experiences as a young hippie.  It felt absolutely wonderful to laugh that hard with my friends. A gift card to Cinemark from the holidays took care of that expense too.   Thursday brought an opportunity to meet a widow friend for dinner who'd had a few bad days.  I wasn’t sure about being gone another night.  I was tired.    She helped me more than I helped her.  I heard some gems I needed to hear as well, and my heart felt so grateful for knowing her. I felt rejuvenated. 

On Friday night, my oldest and youngest grandchildren spent the night with me. Middle sister was having a slumber party at their house, and they weren’t invited.  A sleep-over at Mimi’s was in order. That in itself is cause for celebration.... popcorn, a great family movie and cuddling on the couch. WooHoo! My oldest mentioned Davy Jones death.  I had to share with her I got a kiss on the cheek from the man. Wow!   I remember it vividly.  It was just a few years ago.  Not so much the kiss on the cheek, but that I would have missed out on the kiss if I hadn’t just said, “yes”.  I wasn’t going to go that night.  I recall feeling depressed over some random disappointment or other, and was planning on  staying home, playing the martyr.   Not only did I get the kiss on the cheek, I got a front row seat because someone’s spouse didn’t show up!    

No one builds a memorable life hiding behind the scenes, cloistered in a comfort zone.  Getting out and engaging with others, taking risks, are the beginning steps to big adventures.   

I’m not limiting myself anymore. I figure I’ve suffered enough losses, rejections, uncertainties, and started over so many times.  As Kelly Clarkson sings, “What doesn’t kill ya makes you stronger.....”  I’m still alive.  FREEDOM is my word of the year, so what do I have to loose?   The question really should be, what do I have to gain?  Everything.  

WooHoo to just saying YES!  God will take care of those pesky details.  

P.S.  Note to me:  Being stuck in the white elephant is NOT an excuse either.  It’s just a house. There is a reason why I am still here.  I'm here until I am not supposed to be any longer.....maybe until I truly learn that living arrangements CAN'T be an excuse either!