One night this week I found myself in a near empty movie theatre munching on my low-fat Twizzlers. The movie Hugo was playing and I didn’t want to miss it this time around. Hugo is just one of those movies that must be seen on the big screen. It’s a bold, daring, and colorful extravaganza, and seeing it in Real 3D technology was an interactive adventure. From the beginning the screen reaches out and pulls you into the fast-paced journey of the life of a little orphan boy who lives inside the walls of a train station in Paris. A wise little boy, his mission is to find the missing piece of a little robot that will bring it to life again. He has no idea that finding this part will be the key to finding not only his purpose, but others as well. I felt compelled to go see it. I enjoyed the visual treats which was my main reason for seeing the movie. I had no idea, the messages would so touch a chord inside I thought would never be plucked again. I’m feeling raw, and very vulnerable lately. Whether it’s just a condition of being human, and people just don’t talk about it, I don’t know. I’m an open book and I think that’s a good thing for me as well as others. The weather doesn’t remain the same day after day either, and if something as powerful as nature is so mercurial, why wouldn’t my emotions. I am a patient person, perhaps to a fault. I’ve been tenacious. I’ve done the internal work. I’ve learned a lot. In my mind, it’s time. It’s time for the big reveal. I’ve taken some huge risks in putting myself out there in many ways, opened myself up to rejection knowing I was strong enough to handle it now. Instead, here I am questioning everything I worked so hard to believe in again. What was my purpose now? Was I wrong?
Hugo Cabret: Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it was meant to do... Maybe it's the same with people. If you lose your purpose... it's like you're broken.
And in the privacy of a very quiet and deserted theatre - my tears dripped on my Twizzlers.
This past month or so, I’ve been faking it. I’ve been questioning my purpose, a lot. I feel like I don’t know anymore now, than I did a few years ago. I feel broken. A few little tests and triggers have been tossed my way recently. Would I react differently than I have in the past, setting into motion a different outcome, better, brighter, more honorable, specifically to me? Instead, I haven’t reacted at all, good or bad, which I suppose is a semi- positive thing. When in doubt, do nothing.... for a little while anyway, until you can do what needs done with honor and kindness. But, I have ignored these bits of my past that started nipping away at my soul again, put the cotton in my ears, humming away, “I can’t hear you.” Mostly because I was afraid....again. If I spoke up, if I stood my ground, if I walked away, what would I lose, again..... I think I set the past up in flames without really extracting the lesson first. There is a line in the movie where the old man’s wife, Mama Jeanne, says to him, “Georges, you have tried to forget the past for so long, but it has caused you nothing but unhappiness. Maybe it’s time you tried to remember.” Maybe it’s time I remembered being broken just long enough to not allow others, or my self-sabotaging demon, permission to set the sledge hammer to my future again. We don’t have to dwell in it, but I now know I have to remember it in order to change it. I also know if I don’t acknowledge the past somewhat, old worn out tapes WILL hypnotize me into believing some blatant, untruths. When that happens, we become broken, again. I don’t want to be broken. I have a clearly defined purpose. No matter how many obstacles get tossed at me, like Hugo, I am committed to finding my personal heart shaped key that will bring it to life.
A profound WOO-HOO this week and a good one to remember, triggered by a fantasy movie. Be authentic....we do have to remember the past. Just don’t live there. To deny it just opens up the door for history to repeat itself and falsely define your purpose for you. Stand strong and tall, and like Hugo Cabaret, don’t give up no matter how much the world tries to hold you back. Small, frightened, insecure people will do that. Don’t let them. Don’t quit before the arrival of the heart-shaped key. Hugo Cabret: Right after my father died, I would come up here a lot. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And, that means you have to be here for some reason too.
WOO-HOO - There are no accidents, we are all here for a reason!
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