This week I’m scratching for a woohoo. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m not. I wouldn’t need to even put much thought into making a list of blessings. First, and foremost, God’s never ending presence and protection in my life. I have a place to live. Perhaps it isn’t where I want to be, but it must be where God needs me to be, for now. It keeps me warm and dry and it is rather comfortable inside, even if it is falling down around my head on the outside. I have more food than I need; witness that stubborn little cushy stuff around my belly that refuses to budge. I have a beautiful little family. Small, but their hearts are enormous, and it's reflected in their love for me. Quality as opposed to quantity. I’ve had an amazing life. Just writing about those few things evoke feelings of humility and thankfulness. God’s grace over the years is a topic I could write about non-stop for the rest of my days. Maybe I should.
So, what’s up? Could it have been the Super Moon last Saturday night? This moon wasn’t just full, it was closer to the earth and brighter than it will be the rest of 2012. I was out of town, maybe it seemed larger there. I stood outside at 2 a.m., mesmerized by its enormity and brilliant, vibrating light. That may have played a role in my restless state. Too much moonlight and the tides in my mind have come rushing in overwhelming me some. I’m slightly disappointed in what I perceive to be my lack of progress. I’m not good at this waiting stuff, nor, do I particularly enjoy monotony in my life. Intellectual and social stimulation as well as getting out into this world to see what's new, are badly needed transfusions to my soul right now. I seem to be trapped in this cage with the career path, money, and new environments beyond my reach.... for now. That's just a fact. But, I am applying all my best "wishes fulfilled principles" and envisioning my abundance, prosperity, and lots of love. Intellectual stimulation; I can’t afford to take a class. Social stimulation; I live in a very small town and have been unable to get rid of my house and move elsewhere. Bottom line, sadly, I think, is the area I live in is conducive to predictability, and routine. I suppose there's a beauty in that for some. Occasionally, I have wished I was the kind of person who comfortably settles into sameness, plodding along with the same scenery, routine, and people. It's just not who I am. I love change, new experiences, and engaging, provocative personalities to spend time with. I’m disgruntled too. In no way does that mean I want to give up, it just means perhaps its time to take some different approaches in the hopes of seeing a different result. I don’t know what that is, yet and because I don't, it has me immobilized some.
When I get restless like this, it’s my pattern to want to hole up, isolate and just listen into the silence for some direction. While I know too much time alone isn’t good for my sanity, and in the past I have done that more often than I should have- - - shut off and down- - some reflection does work in centering me again and often reveals new ideas. I was reading something the other day by a young 20 something year old writer. It was an exercise to stimulate creativity and acknowledge growth. I liked it and thought at the very least, taking the time to do it, should show me areas of personal growth and maybe even enlighten me some. Nothing remains the same nor should it.
This exercise calls for a counseling session with a decade younger me. I am going to take a look back, over my life in ten year segments (Lordy, I have a few of them) Maybe that will help put my journey in perspective, and allow me to see, everything arrives when we are ready for it, including the wisdom. So, what would 28 year old Becky say to 18 year old me? What would I tell 28 year old Becky at 38? You get the picture.... Stay tuned over the next few weeks. If nothing else, it's writing practice.
In the meantime, my Woohoo for the week is focused on family.
1. My step-mom who hosted me last weekend. We talked non-stop for two full days. We always do, no matter how much time we spend with each other. I’ve spent two weeks on vacation with her, and we still didn’t run out of things to say! I am so blessed to have this kind of connection with her and I know it.
2. My littlest granddaughter’s first tee ball game, ever. Pink batting caps and all, these little girls did a fine job. I fear the competitor in her has overridden her honest nature. She told me the biggest fish story when I arrived at the game into the second inning. She got LOTS OF HOME RUNS she said.
3. My middle granddaughter’s first game of the season, and she pitched. She is a pip-squeak with the heart of a bull. She really drilled it in there a few times.
4. My oldest grand-daughter’s first band concert, ever. She’s in fifth grade and following in her mom’s lip-prints, playing her mother’s old trumpet from high school. They sounded pretty good.... seriously!
5. My daughter, son-in-law and three girls for hosting me for a cookout Sunday, on Mother’s Day. Anything on a grill is real treat for me, since I don’t have one. Burgers, asparagus, and grilled pineapple.... awesome. And, just to contribute to my commitment to exercise excellence, I got a new Yoga Ball and Yoga bag! I think I am hanging up those running shoes. Who’s idea was it to put a 5K on my bucket list anyway? I think it was that shadow me, the people pleaser, trying to fit in or impress. I love watching those graceful gazelle types run. On me, it just looks like I'm getting ready to go into an apocalyptic fit. I now think it was that sense of achievement I was seeking. I can do that mastering a Zumba dance, increasing the resistance on my bike in spin class, or breathing further into a stretch with Yoga practice. I’m at that life stage, if it isn’t fun or gentle on the spirit and joints, I’m really not all that interested. I've already walked enough of the pain = gain path in my lifetime. Hey, that sounds like something 58 year old me will be telling those other me’s. Be authentic.
6. Oh, and a late breaking woohoo. My brother called and left me a message. He wants me to come back out to heaven for a visit. What better place to be inspired than the vitality, and ethereal beauty of Carmel, Big Sur, and Monterey? Really, I think if he had his way, he would love to see me move there. Writing on the cliffs overlooking the sea, well, that's the stuff my dreams are made of. If I could pick up the rest of the little family and move them along too, I wouldn't even look back over my shoulder!
WooHoo to the one constant in my life, the love of my family. It is truly unconditional. Their support of me has always been present, even when they didn't agree with my actions, or like my decisions. And, that is the perfect reflection of God's love for me.... loving me no matter what. ALWAYS. What a lucky lady I am to be enveloped in this kind of acceptance. WooHoo.
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