Week Twenty-Five -Summer break..... from Facebook and other forms of social media.....WooHoo!

It’s time to take a sabbatical from the internet.   Being a writer, I can’t give it up completely as some of my research is done online.  I’m not minimizing the value of technology today, and I’ve written about this before; pros and the cons of our highly plugged in world.  They are calling this generation, Generation C, for connected.  I like Generation P  for plugged better.  We AREN'T connected to human beings anymore, at least not in a meaningful way.   And, that is one of the bigger cons.  What I am seeing, myself included from time to time, is a frightening shift in human interaction, being present, and an addiction to instant gratification.  If I counted the hours I’ve spent, specifically over the past 6-7 years online, getting to know people (dating sites or chat rooms of various kinds), instant messaging (don’t even need to get out of your jammies), handing out advice and spouting platitudes from the pulpit of my Facebook page, and playing games, I wonder....how many human beings  I've  missed out on meeting, had fun with, shared eye contact and stories and actually hugged, in comfort and appreciation. How much of real life and it’s wonder and juiciness have I missed over those years hiding out in shallow relationships, with avatars and screen names? 

I’ve also often used the public opinion of the Internet to determine my worth as a writer, and person,  dependant on the stat-counter hits on my blogs to gage the value of what I have to say. Or, even worse, comments from others on the blog, or Facebook, looking outward to affirm what I already know.  I am supposed to write.  That is in God’s plan for my life no matter what anyone says about it.  I know that.  So why are affirmations,  (sadly) so important to me? This is a character defect that I am working on eliminating this year.  I guess those (affirmations) can be just like other addictions... to  relationships, booze, drugs, food, now Social Media...  they only mask pain or fill you up for a short time. What does it matter what anyone else says?  The affirmation I need to practice hearing on a daily basis, comes from inside and says, “you are loved and worthy no matter what the outside world says.”  Here I was  placing my talent (and value) in the hands of others.

And, I wondered why I began to feel so lousy recently. 

The other side of it might be the place I found myself emotionally, again. I am an intensely social being.  I love people and being around them. I am loyal to a fault.  Intimacy is important to me and people’s secrets are safe with me. I am an unselfish, good friend. I know all this, in my heart.  I am also a relatively self-aware creature. I know my ups and downs, assets and faults like the back of my hand. I have a tendency to tolerate non-reciprocal relationships.  Many who know me, will tell you,  I can be too kind and go the extra mile down the people pleaser path, which I wrote about last month on my other blog http://www.examiningmyunexaminedlife.blogspot.com/2012/05/people-pleasingpart-one-of-two-being.html I knew I was feeling relatively rejected and rather lonely.  Attempts over the last months to get together with a number of friends just to engage in casual chats, share a meal, some fun, or an adventure have left me frustrated.  I get that stuff happens, but multiple cancellations, and too busy to get together, just not making time, or believing our friendship isn’t worthy of finding time... well, right or wrong, that left me feeling unimportant and wondering what the real message was.  All relationships ARE work and if we want to have the quality of friendships to sustain us and bring us joy, we need to make time for them.  I also know, friendships change and go by the wayside, and I felt like I was clearly getting a not so subtle hint to move on.  I got tired of reaching out to no avail and after a few months on end, it wore me down. I remembered Maslow's hierarchy of needs and a few years ago, I was struggling at that lower level, the safety stage, being unemployed, and many of the other fears and issues it represents.  The theory is, if those lower levels aren't taken care of, it affects the levels above it.  Recently, feeling sorely neglected in the love and belonging arena, I was struggling with esteem and self-actualization was becoming nigh on impossible.    Still, I walked through that feeling of being Ms. Cellophane, and ‘not important enough’ pretty well for a few months and did not let the demon of self-pity set in.  I cultivated the art of entertaining myself and did  a decent job at it.  But, after a time, especially for a social being like me, I was like a thirsty sailor stranded on a deserted island.  Craving some meaningful, in the flesh, (or even a voice on the telephone for God's sake) contact with another member of the human race.  I've come to know when people are in that state its next to impossible for THEM to reach out to others.  I couldn't anymore.  I was afraid of being cast aside and hurt even further.  It led me to a little social experiment... Hmmmm.....

I posted this on my Facebook page. 

 The results are in!  Out of 198 “friends”, I have none.  I am kidding here... somewhat. Oh, I did receive some comments about my post... Telling me I was not really alone. (Ummmm... yes.... I was).  I had millions of friends.(were they all taken up in The Rapture)?    One friend did tell me they loved me, and I believed them.  They lived very far away.  One friend actually hit the like button.  He apparently liked I was lonely. (case in point, most people don’t REALLY read what you have to say when on Facebook).  

Sure, it was a cheap, pathetic cry for help.  But, It did somewhat prove my theory about social media creating self-absorbed narcissists,  robbing us of our compassion and humanness.  And,  affirmation addicts hungry to feel like they matter.... ahem...


 It also reminded me of something I already learned four years ago, traveling for two months through Europe.  Two months.... no technology.  No television, telephones, or internet except for the occasional stop in a WiFi zone to post to a travel blog for loved ones back home,  and check email.  I experienced such joy and peace while I was gone.  Why?  First, no outside chatter of bad news, drama, crisis, or propaganda. Second, when you eliminate that in your life, you have time to connect on an intimate level.  With everything;  nature, people, the moment.  I heard in an interview last week, David McCullough who wrote the phenomenal "You're Not Special Speech", for his seniors at a Boston high school,  say, "In twenty-five years of teaching, the biggest change today in kids is they do not know how to be in the moment."  (the speech is a spectacular - google it for the full transcript if interested.  I could post the link here, but we are all already lazy enough.  It's a miracle our little mouse clicking fingers aren't painfully arthritic.  In Europe with no technology, what's left but the moment?  And what spectacular rewards I found there are in that space.... Many of my most intimate conversations took place there (face to face not on Facebook) sitting on a balcony overlooking some of the most beautiful waters in the world, stars lighting up the sky.  Talk about feeling connected;  to other people, the natural world, and God!  One of the most profound encounters of my life occurred with a young Italian girl when we discovered a common bond, language barrier be damned.  God spoke for us.  I miss that. Those random, uncontrived,  moments that can only be experienced getting out into the world. 

So, this was the week, to unplug the social media and little cyber games played; unless it's in person, like Scrabble or Monopoly, or maybe allowances will be made for  Just Dance as long as I am dancing with others.....for the summer at least.  I know I won't give up social media permanently, but a  summer vacation is a manageable amount of time to give it a rest,  and badly in order.  My spirit is hungering for a  return to meaningful connections, hugs, sharing,  and living a bit more, in the moment.  I think it will also free up some time to smell the roses, with or without old friends, get out and make new friends, and love on my loved ones, face to face. WooHoo to the freedom deactivating statcounters and social accounts is sure to bring. 

P.S. I’m not saying there isn’t some benefits to social media.  Facebook started a revolution in Egypt.  Hooray for the human desire to be free. And, if you've never taken a philosophy class or attend a church, it could be inspirational - - Socrates, Dr. Seuss,  and Billy Graham wannabees abound.  No offense meant, I love them all too.   And, of course, if you live in Antarctica..... 


P.P.S.  I think we should be scared.......spell check on my computer wants to capitalize the words Internet and Facebook,  like we capitalize Him, He, Creator and God.  Interesting.  


UPDATE:  Just discovered this article on CNN - Apparently I'm not alone in my opinions of how social media is destroying our relationships, self-esteem, privacy and security. Click here to read:
http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/30/tech/keen-technology-facebook-privacy/index.html#