I’ve been telling everyone I am so ready for a change. Maybe I think if I repeat it enough, the Universe will tire of hearing me say it, and blow me that kiss that sends me chasing after a new direction. It’s not that my days are particularly bad, or sad. They are relatively serene: peaceful and beautiful in their own way. It’s the uneventful, redundant, and mind-numbing routine and sameness that is making me feel a little (or a lot) restless. I feel stuck. I am quite simply the kind of gal that thrives on diversity and fresh knowledge, adventures, challenges, and social interaction.
I’ve figured this out about myself over the last few years. I used to feel guilty because I haven’t been a “settled soul” who takes pleasure in staying put. I’ve occasionally felt judged, and perhaps perceived as a malcontent that didn’t have the emotional maturity to just settle in and accept a paycheck, a relationship, mind-numbing mediocrity and simply survive, gratefully and gracefully. I realize now, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and it really doesn’t so much anymore. Now, that's a great change! I continue to hope for “more change” whatever that may be.... a bad day doesn't equal a bad life and wanting more does not make me ungrateful. Not at all.
I recognized this past week, it has been through being open and saying yes, to who I am, jobs, people, and opportunities, my life has been incredibly full and rich! It’s always good to be reminded of the pay-off for being authentic and living life honestly. I had that this week. It came in the form of a zip-lock baggie of photographs I discovered.
As I flipped through this visual timeline of stages in my wonderful, adventurous life, I was awed by my personal memoir (so far). So many great people, opportunities, mentors, events, loves, and joys. Was the average person blessed with so much? I think not. I felt a sense of peace in knowing, this will all return again. Change will come and new pictures will be recorded to be treasured too.
In between the years of those photographs there were rest breaks too, just like now. We just forget our lives are like the seasons, we have those Spring times where everything is fresh and new, and Summers of great exploration and adventures. Autumns of awe and wonder as the colors of our experiences unfold and bring us a second delight.
And then, come the Winters, the times we learn to comfort ourselves, pull back, cuddle up: nurturing and resting up for the next exciting cycle of our lives. The pictures reminded me. I won’t always be stuck in the Winter. I’ve never been much of a Winter gal.
WooHoo to looking at my life as a chronicle rather than short story.
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